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STEVE BURITTO’S CRUNCHY FORTUNES – May 2019

Just when you thought your month was all sorted

Mozaik [Artist - Louis Wakley  instagram.com/louis_x_i_v/]

ARIES: Your lucky thing this month will be slippery and hard to hold down

TAURUS: Don’t let the drunken baggage handler of destiny put you on the Jetstar flight to Adelaide.

GEMINI: If you don’t stop rubbing it, it will never get better.

CANCER: This month your dream of becoming Conan the Unfortunate will come true, unfortunately.

LEO: In the 3 legged race of life you are the middle leg.

VIRGO: Place your pants in the overhead locker and return your seat to the upright position. Deviant.

LIBRA: You will finally realise that there is nothing at all funny about Pete Hellier.

SCORPIO: There’s an Emu out there that knows your name, but refuses to talk to you.

SAGITARIUS: You will be devastated to find that there is no chicken or salt in chicken salt, just the broken dreams of birds.

CAPRICORN: As your spiritual advisor I recommend that you buy a motorcycle immediately

AQUARIUS: You will finally accept that you were a prototype never considered for mass production

PISCES: Your dreams of becoming an Australian tennis pro will crash this month as you realize that you’re not wanker enough. Wank harder little fella. You can do it….

Written by Kevin Bull

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